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Tara Kennedy-Kline
"Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population." ~ Albert Einstein

This week we will focus on "Respectful Communication"...listen without interruption, judgement, defense or critique. When engaging in conversation, make it a rule in your home that each person who is NOT talking, will count to three in their head after the speaker has said their last word. Only then will it be a good time for the next person to take "the talking stick" and begin speaking.

Journal prompt Day #1:
What was the best thing about my day?


Ask your child(ren) to answer the same question and REALLY LISTEN TO THEIR ANSWERS...you may be amazed at what they consider to be "best".

To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with. ~ Mark Twain
Tara Kennedy-Kline
I love this concept as it ties directly to "Self forgiveness" which is paramount in teaching self love/respect. This is exactly why I include "do overs' in my journaling for families.

One of the questions we ask of each other is "What did I experience or create today that I would do over if I could?" and Then we ask: "What could I do differently next time to be happy about it?" from these questions, we open the door to talk about "what did I learn from it?"

Having these types of conversations with our kids not only shows them that "mistakes happen", but by going first as the adult, we let them see that mom and dad (and their teachers and their coaches) make mistakes too. It's important to model for children that we do not need to beat ourselves up over those mistakes...instead, we should look at them as an opportunity to learn, grow, and plan for the "do overs", even if they are only in our head.

The concept of visualizing corrective actions teaches our children to forgive, prepare and problem solve which are invaluable life skills to carry them through and over the obstacles life will throw in their path as teens and adults.
Tara Kennedy-Kline
I am rather active on many blog sites, parenting sites and magazines...and the topics are pretty much the same no matter where you go. Spanking, Piercing, Discipline, Homework, Feelings, Feedings, Manners, Who's really in charge and who does it the best...

But what I realized today is that nearly all the people who most actively participate in those conversations are either degreed or self proclaimed "experts" who are basically doing little more than telling each other their philosophies and what makes THEIR opinion (or research or diagnoses or program) right! I'm starting to wonder who is really benefiting from all these studies and research and parenting programs...I very rarely hear from a real world parent...and almost never hear from one who is ASKING for help!

I'm starting to believe that the only people who give a crap about how parents are raising their kids are the "experts" who think they know how everyone should be raising their kids! Because while all of those experts are spending their time battling beliefs and studying research & statistics to get their "parenting PhD"...the rest of us are spending our time parenting our kids.
Tara Kennedy-Kline
As I sat at the table during my son's IEP team meeting...I realized something.
(Shocking, I know!)
Hearing my son constantly referred to as "Special Needs" really just kind of irritates me!

They kept saying things like "Well I know that behavior is a result of his "special needs." and "That teacher is better suited to him because she is trained in working with kids with "special needs" and "We understand that tests and homework may have to be handled differently because he has "special needs"...

But all I kept hearing in my head was..."Don't we ALL have "special needs"?"

I know I do! And I know my husband does. And I know my best friend does, and her husband does, and the neighbor’s kids do...and my oldest son does...But not in an IEP way or autism support way or even a medicate able way. Just in our own "unique" way.

For example: One of my "special needs" is; I have to be asked if I have the time in my schedule before I will be willing to do a "favor" for someone.

I also have a "special need" to be told when people are leaving or retiring for the night...if you leave me without telling me, I will flip out. (So what! It's MY special need!)

My husband's "special need" is he wants us to have chores done by the time he gets home and/or without him having to ask. He also has a "special need" that we talk to him before loaning out anything (even if it's someone else's to loan out...like MY car or Max's airsoft equipment) He "needs" to be in control of our family’s belongings and whereabouts.

These things may seem trivial and even a bit odd...but they are the "special needs" which are unique to us. And when these “special needs” are met, it just makes our lives easier and happier. It's about knowing and understanding the people around us in order to keep peace and harmony more than it is about diagnosing and labeling a person based on the number or severity of the needs they have.

Personally, I think ALL kids should be treated as though they have "special needs"! All kids should go through an "evaluation" process with their teachers to find out what will help them to have a happier, easier more successful experience in school (and at home too for that matter)! What the heck? Why not? Isn't it our goal to raise happy, successful children?

So if all it will take is a bit of communicating, a bit of listening, a bit of understanding and then a bit of specializing or customizing to make every child a happy, successful student and every family a happy, healthy, successful team...then I say label every one of us "Special Needs" or just scrap that term completely and just call us all “Unique”!!!
Tara Kennedy-Kline
I walked my kid up to the bus in my jammies today. Yes...complete with my robe and my fuzzy slippers! ALLLLLL the way up to the bus, right past 3 houses and a guy walking his dog.

SO WHAT?! That guy walking his dog was wearing the same flannel shirt and overalls he wears EVERY FRICKIN DAY and I don't judge him...but he sure felt compelled to comment on my inability to "get dressed" before I had to run out the door now didn't he?

Yeah well, you know what else I screwed up?! I didn't brush my kid's hair either! At least he HAS hair! SO, THERE!

But here's the point...who was I hurting? Who suffered or was burdened by my "jammie fiasco"? Truly?...No one. Other than exposing some neighbors to a down-home "people of Wal-Mart" experience...nothing bad happened.

So why do people feel it necessary to open their mouths? When did we make it so acceptable for the imperfect people of the world to judge the other people around them? Why do we feel the need to put ourselves on such a high horse and determine what is acceptable and what is not for other people who don't even effect us?

I understand that individuals have their own unique ideas and beliefs about how the world should look. And I get that in your perfect opinion, jammies should not be worn outside the home. And in a mature non judgmental conversation, I may even agree with you (if we are talking about public places like stores and restaurants) But when you attack me by telling me what I am doing wrong (in your opinion) and then give me examples of how you do it "right" (which is totally offensive to me if I didn't ask for your advice.) You are only going to succeed at pushing me farther and farther away from you and your beliefs...and eventually, you may even drive me to defend myself against you and take the opposite point of view. Is that really the best way to reach your goal?

Humans have gone far beyond simply expressing an opinion of others...we have crossed over into the damaging realm of micro-judging. It's like micro-managing, but with harsher consequences. And it needs to be stopped!

If I am wearing something, doing something, saying something or being something that you don't like or agree with and you feel the overwhelming need to save me from my misguided ness...please do me a favor; Stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself these questions:

Is someone suffering?
Is permanent damage being done?
Did anyone ask for my help or opinion?
Is this going to affect me or my life AT ALL?

And if all 4 answers are No, then do me a favor...bite your tongue and go be yourself!
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