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I am a very emotional and highly spirited person.

I cry at the drop of a hat and I have a deep seeded need for people to like me.

My "Love Languages" are: words of affirmation and physical touch.

So when a person like me comes into her "passion years" (between 40 & 55) sex becomes more than just an act...it turns into that "thing" that makes us feel beautiful, sensual, desirable, loveable and loved. It becomes an affirmation that we are not only needed, but wanted. And for many, it becomes as necessary as food and water…

So then why is it that so many of us Moms hit this sexual revolution just when our bodies and our lives begin to rebel against us?

I swear…on the exact same day as my libido spiked that’s also when my metabolism crashed, the lock on my bedroom door broke, the kids starting asking why they can't have a baby sister and my husband found a renewed love of video games and that couch cushion on the far right!!!! (Ok...maybe that didn’t all happen on the exact same day…but it sure felt like it!)

But seriously...is this some kind of cosmic game? 'Cuz if it is...another thing the universe needs to know about me is I HATE TO LOSE!

So here it is: I'm just putting it out there that I am going to do whatever it takes to get my groove on...Even if that means I have to go back to doing P90X, install my own lock on the bedroom door and start playing old George Michael tapes while I dance in front of that couch cushion on the far right!

"Well I guess it would be nice…”

My 20th Reality of 2012 came to me as I was responding to a post on "Should we discipline our children". One of the contributors has a very firm platform from which she speaks on parenting. Although I do not always agree with her...I honestly respect her conviction and dedication to bring peace to our world through parenting.

The following post was in response to several comments that boiled down to: There is NEVER a time to discipline or punish a child...and rules are just another tactic parents use to force their authority over children.

That being said, here is what I realized for ME as a parent:

Being the ever "grey" area...I feel I must say that there are exceptions to almost any scenario in life. I believe the part that has me concerned is the part about not allowing "rules".

First I must level the field by saying that I do believe there is a difference between Discipline and Punishment. I do believe that Discipline is a natural process of modeling to teach and guide. And I do believe that punishment is punitive action meant to change a behavior.

However, I do not believe that punishment is strictly physical, I do not believe that all punishment is harmful and I do not believe that there is NEVER a time when punishment is necessary...

let me explain...

One of the definitions of punishment is to cause pain (which I do not condone) the other is to cause discomfort. Discomfort is not universally "pain" induced.

I can cause my child discomfort by telling them to leave the room if they are being disrespectful to my adult friends. I can cause my baby discomfort by removing him from the breast while nursing should he bite me.

In these cases, my idea of "discomfort" can also be called "natural consequences"...and are in deed, by definition, punishment.

So yes, I do believe that their are times when rules, boundaries or principles that we have set are challenged, broken or tested and that we as "Mentors" and parents, must use punishment (i.e.: cause discomfort) to discipline (i.e.: guide/teach) our children in the course of their journey into adulthood.

By standing up for our beliefs, rules, agreements and principles, we teach our children integrity, accountability and respect...for others as well as themselves.

I also believe that one of the biggest contributors to bullying is that we have abandoned the concept of modeling and upholding boundaries. When we teach our children that there are no consequences for disrespecting a person's boundaries (be those rules, limits, opinions, beliefs or personal space) we teach them apathy and arrogance and at the same time embed in them the belief that they have no right to create their own boundaries.

Furthermore, by allowing children to believe that they are "untouchable" and I mean that in a metaphorical way, not in a physical way, we make them fearless...and without fear of consequences, we are left without conscience or emotional intelligence.

Free will means "free to choose", not "free to abandon all rational behavior". If there are no "poor choices" than we are left with the concepts of either perfection or chaos...both of which are too absolute to be healthy and both of which will eventually cause total breakdown.

Children, as all human beings, need to be aware that they are in total control of their actions and in some cases, their "actions" or "choices" may violate another person's rules or boundaries and that person probably will not have the connection and relationship to discuss or debate with them.

In Stop Raising Einstein, Discover the Unique Brilliance in Your Child...and You! I wrote:

"A child is responsible for how she or he reacts and thereby the results that she or he creates."

Not all of those results will be ideal. Some of them will be met with discomfort. It's all part of the reality of our life and the process of learning and growing through experience and lessons

Friday was report card day. I know my boys are smart and I know they do their homework (because I hover over them like a vulture on a dying rabbit) so I wasn't the list bit worried as I opened the envelopes.

So, I'm sure you can imagine my surprise when my oldest (and most responsible) son brought home an F (hold on...I just threw up a little) in Spanish.

When I saw it, I was kind of in denial. I had to go back to the little grading chart like 3 times to make sure I wasn't mistaken...and I wasn't. Suddenly, the whole paper went black and all the other grades (a's and b's I might add) just disappeared and I could see was one ugly mark among the 9 on the paper.

Now, I don't want anyone to misunderstand...I was NOT an honor roll student by any stretch of the imagination...but I do expect more from my kids because, well, they're not ME! And more importantly, my husband is a brilliant man and wonderful teacher (as well as VERY educated in Spanish) so I would have thought my sons would know intuitively to come to him or me for help if they needed it.

My husband sent an email to the teacher to try to understand what happened and until we received a reply this morning, we focused on helping our son to understand what he must do to bring up his grade...including taking him to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and making him use his Spanish the whole time (lol...oh don't judge me!)

My husband and I had several discussions about "what we are doing wrong" that would lead to our son getting a failing grade in ANY of his courses...and I will admit, I felt a great deal of guilt, blame and shame around the whole thing, which made me rather defensive and angry. We came up with a plan that we thought would help our children become better students and increase their grades and we spent alot of time trying to figure out what we need to change as Mom and Dad to inspire our kids to do better in school...

And then, we got this reply from Max's Spanish teacher:

Thank you for e-mailing me. Max and I had talked about his grade a couple a weeks ago. In our discussion, Max admitted to me that he felt like he was struggling and asked me if he could have a tutor. I was very proud of him, because a lot of students don't like to admit they need extra help. I did find him a very strong 8th grade Spanish student to help him. He and Max have been working together for the past week and a half and I can see Max feeling more confident, which is wonderful. Right now, Max has an 86 for the 3rd quarter.

I think part of the problem was, he wasn't sure how to study properly for Spanish and he wasn't asking for help when he didn't understand. ... (Deleted some fluffy stuff here)

...Max is such a great kid and he participates all the time in class, even when he gets something wrong he still is not afraid of trying. This is wonderful to see because usually students have a hard time when they get something wrong and are afraid to try again.


And then I cried a little...

Mostly because I realized that all that time and energy we spent this weekend arguing over what we had done wrong or what Max had done wrong, was a big fat waste! Our time would have been better served to ASK what we could do to help and WAIT for the answer...because what we found out is that our kid is really good at (better than us apparently) asking for what he needs and then accepting the help.

So my Mom Reality Bytes #21 is that when it all boils down, we are left with the fact that we may not be raising a child who's awesome in Spanish...but we are raising a young man who is awesome at communicating his needs and honoring the gifts in others. And that is probably the most important language we can possess.

I walked my kid up to the bus in my jammies today. Yes...complete with my robe and my fuzzy slippers! ALLLLLL the way up to the bus, right past 3 houses and a guy walking his dog.

SO WHAT?! That guy walking his dog was wearing the same flannel shirt and overalls he wears EVERY FRICKIN DAY and I don't judge him...but he sure felt compelled to comment on my inability to "get dressed" before I had to run out the door now didn't he?

Yeah well, you know what else I screwed up?! I didn't brush my kid's hair either! At least he HAS hair! SO, THERE!

But here's the point...who was I hurting? Who suffered or was burdened by my "jammie fiasco"? Truly?...No one. Other than exposing some neighbors to a down-home "people of Wal-Mart" experience...nothing bad happened.

So why do people feel it necessary to open their mouths? When did we make it so acceptable for the imperfect people of the world to judge the other people around them? Why do we feel the need to put ourselves on such a high horse and determine what is acceptable and what is not for other people who don't even effect us?

I understand that individuals have their own unique ideas and beliefs about how the world should look. And I get that in your perfect opinion, jammies should not be worn outside the home. And in a mature non judgmental conversation, I may even agree with you (if we are talking about public places like stores and restaurants) But when you attack me by telling me what I am doing wrong (in your opinion) and then give me examples of how you do it "right" (which is totally offensive to me if I didn't ask for your advice.) You are only going to succeed at pushing me farther and farther away from you and your beliefs...and eventually, you may even drive me to defend myself against you and take the opposite point of view. Is that really the best way to reach your goal?

Humans have gone far beyond simply expressing an opinion of others...we have crossed over into the damaging realm of micro-judging. It's like micro-managing, but with harsher consequences. And it needs to be stopped!

If I am wearing something, doing something, saying something or being something that you don't like or agree with and you feel the overwhelming need to save me from my misguided ness...please do me a favor; Stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself these questions:

Is someone suffering?
Is permanent damage being done?
Did anyone ask for my help or opinion?
Is this going to affect me or my life AT ALL?

And if all 4 answers are No, then do me a favor...bite your tongue and go be yourself!