Most Viewed

At the shock and amazement of my teen aged neighbor, I admitted it: “I did NOT own a pair of heels until I was 17 years old”. When I told her this tale of woe, all she could muster was a horrified, WHY?!

I’ll tell you why! Because MY PARENTS WOULDN’T BUY THEM FOR ME!!!!

Heels were, in my parent’s opinion, for grown women and “dancers”. And I was neither. Therefore, since I didn’t have an income or means to get to the store by myself…I was kind of relegated to my parent’s final word on my wardrobe.

I’m sure if she were alive today there would have been some additions to Mom’s list of "things decent children do not wear", things like Short Shorts with the word “Juicy” written across the bottom, g-strings, see through blouses and push up bras, jeans with holes ripped in them BEFORE you buy them (particularly if the hole allows the entire butt cheek to hang out) and pants that fall down around the ankles…

It wouldn’t have even been an issue of us seeing things in the store and Mom giving in, you know why? Because Mom had the wallet and the car and the AUTHORITY to say no!

But before you start picturing Ma Walton here, understand that my mom was no pilgrim. She was a trendy, chic, sexy, fashion conscious woman who just happened to understand the difference between adults and children, even as it related to clothing.

But the best part is, our parent’s rules and views influenced our opinions and desires as kids too…imagine that! When I was a young girl hanging out at the mall or the pool, if one of the other girls would walk in with torn off jean shorts that showed her buttcheeks, the first thing the rest of us would think was “awwww, that poor girl needs a nice new pair of shorts”. If a classmate walked up to us with a push up bra on (in our day it would have been “stuffed”) we would have pretended to sneeze and ask for a tissue and then tell her to get over herself and be natural.

I don’t understand what has happened to our world. Where have all the adults gone? We need to find them…and when we do, they could start a movement that would be so incredibly powerful that it would wipe these pedophile fashionistas and lude, crude clothing lines for kids right off the planet! They could call this concept “authority” and any adult could use it!

All we would have to do is say “I don’t approve of that item and I am not willing to spend money on it.” And that would have to be the end of it. Because chances are, a 7 year old isn’t going to go out and get a job to pay for that push up bra…and if she tried to get a job, an adult would have to hire her.

So here's my campaign: I’ll step up…I’ll lead the quest for Adult Authority! My promise to you is this: When I see a parent at the store with their crying preschoolers who is begging for a corsette, or whining tweenager who is having a tantrum over "juicy" daisy dukes, I’ll be the whisper in your ear that says "you can beat this! You are the ADULT...don't give in." I'll even give you a tissue and a pat on the back.

If we use our power of authority for the good of our children, we can all sleep well knowing that justice has been served and one more little girl has been saved from the evils of the uberwedgie and the burdon of an underwire and our boys can finally say NO to butt crack!

On December 11, 2011, my 13-year old daughter will be embarking on a journey that may forever change her life. As she steps forward and jumps off that cliff, her wings will open and she will take flight.

From afar I will be watching to see how much of my guidance she has absorbed up to this point. And from afar I will continue to do my best to guide her, letting go of the attachment of how it should all be.

My 13-year old is embarking on a journey of new discoveries, new relationships, new culture, new country, and new life style. As she chooses to make this move, a part of me just wants to hold on tight and embrace her with the strength of a mother bear, not wanting to let go of her cub. Then there’s the spiritual, wise side of me that knows I need to let her go and allow her the opportunity to create the most special relationship with her father who loves her just as much.

Tonight as I tucked her in and caressed her back, like I have done almost every night for the last thirteen years, I became deeply present to how much I am going to miss her. How much her sisters and stepdad are going to miss her, and how much her friends, grandparents, uncles, and aunts will miss her as well. We will all have our own emotions and opinions to deal with, and yet, we will come to appreciate how much she has changed our lives.

Will this move be a long one? We will have to wait and see. Someone had asked me the question, what if she decided to stay and make her life there? That’s something I will have to deal with if it comes to pass. For now, I’m just focused on making this transition graceful and somewhat easy for her and for everyone else whose lives will be deeply impacted by this change. As for me, I will probably be crying every time I hear Adele’s Someone Like You or Nikki Minaj’s Super Bass, and every time I see a soccer game, a friend of hers, when her sisters ask about her, or when I enter her room.

Life will be very different and I trust that distance will bring us closer together. Thank goodness for Skype!

Here's the story...

I'm on the phone with one of my friends and we are discussing our children and school (shocked?! I know...)
So she tells me about her child's recent decline in math grades and how it's become pretty steady ever since the last report card. We talk about how this child has been told that the grades are unacceptable and how the child has been given many opportunities to be "quizzed" at home and how they insist the child study every single night and so on...yet the child keeps reacting belligerently and "mouths off" and gets "fresh" when asked to show the work or walk the parents through the problem.

The last straw was a D+ on a test.

At her wits end, my friend told her child they must retake the test and bring home no less than a 96% or the child would have to explain the grade to the father (not a pretty scenario) then the child was sent to their room to STUDY for the test.

OK...I get it. This is a smart kid and failing is just completely out of the realm of acceptability...but insisting on an A when they just brought home a D is not (in my opinion) a reasonable request. It also introduces far too much stress into an already volatile situation which will only serve to degrade the child's self esteem & beliefs and will not get anyone's goals met.

I told my friend that what I believe needs to happen is she and her husband need to find out what is really happening with their child. Obviously, there is a method, formula or process which is not being understood and no level of threatening and studying is going to move this child past their block.

I liken it to handing someone assembly instructions written in a language (let's say Chinese) which is foreign to them and expecting them to complete the project. It wouldn't matter if I handed them an entire book written in Chinese...if they can't read the language, they can't read the language!

Even if I send them to their room to study for an hour and tell them over and over how smart they are that isn't doing them any good either. An hour later when I test them on what they read, they may get a few of the questions right just out of luck...but they still do not UNDERSTAND what they read. It would take a person who understands Chinese to sit with them and teach them the language before they could ace the test.


And that sums up my Mom Reality Bytes #13 for 2012:

When it comes to assisting my kids with dropping grades or failing tests, I must put my emphasis and effort into getting to the root of their misunderstanding (or block)and teach/walk them through it rather than punishing them by forcing them to focus on the things they don't understand.

I am a very emotional and highly spirited person.

I cry at the drop of a hat and I have a deep seeded need for people to like me.

My "Love Languages" are: words of affirmation and physical touch.

So when a person like me comes into her "passion years" (between 40 & 55) sex becomes more than just an act...it turns into that "thing" that makes us feel beautiful, sensual, desirable, loveable and loved. It becomes an affirmation that we are not only needed, but wanted. And for many, it becomes as necessary as food and water…

So then why is it that so many of us Moms hit this sexual revolution just when our bodies and our lives begin to rebel against us?

I swear…on the exact same day as my libido spiked that’s also when my metabolism crashed, the lock on my bedroom door broke, the kids starting asking why they can't have a baby sister and my husband found a renewed love of video games and that couch cushion on the far right!!!! (Ok...maybe that didn’t all happen on the exact same day…but it sure felt like it!)

But seriously...is this some kind of cosmic game? 'Cuz if it is...another thing the universe needs to know about me is I HATE TO LOSE!

So here it is: I'm just putting it out there that I am going to do whatever it takes to get my groove on...Even if that means I have to go back to doing P90X, install my own lock on the bedroom door and start playing old George Michael tapes while I dance in front of that couch cushion on the far right!

"Well I guess it would be nice…”