Today I read a blog where the person writing blamed others for not paying attention to her son. I responded - "Please consider taking all that love you have for Hayden and spreading it outward to all those whom you come in contact with. Spread it like peanut butter – thick!
When you spread discontent with people and who they are you will find it becomes exaggerated, and more and more common in your life. Every where you look you will find people ignoring you, giving more love to others, paying more attention to others but know that this is the way it is. It is what you are giving attention to. It sours everything you do. It becomes like a bad taste in your mouth. You have to look inward and ask why it bothers you. That is a process and not one you may or should find the answer to right away but the answer is in you and not the result of anyone else’s actions.
All you can do to shift things to something resembling what you feel and think life should be like, is to accept people are doing what they do. No more, no less. They do what they do. By focusing on something someone is doing or not doing it highlights it only to you. Only you feel the hurt and that hurt is self-inflicted.
For you, for me, for each person in this world, life is what we make it. No more, no less. We cannot expect others to do what we expect them to. We must love what they do as that is what they do. Spreading love is like spreading peanut butter on two slices of bread. It makes the two sides stick together and it’s tough to pull them apart. So go make a life sandwich and enjoy the great taste it leaves in your mouth."
Today is 11/11/11. Some people see it as a day of saddness...some see it as a curse. Others see Veteran's Day and a very few see it as a new beginning...a day of renewal and light.
I choose to see two of the four there: Veteran's Day and Renewal. Why? Because both of those choices force me to be thankful and to look for the positive in the day.
I found a long time ago, that much like the game punchbuggy (where you look for the Beetles on the road and punch the person next to you when you see one) Even if we think something is rare or no longer exists (as in my beliefs about the number of Volkwagon Beetles on the road today) when we start to focus on that thing, we begin to notice more and more of it popping up or into our field of vision.
When I applied that same principle to focusing on the things I am thankful for, or the "good stuff" in my life, I began to experience alot more GOOD STUFF! I stopped wallowing in what was wrong with my life and sang the praises of and gave thanks for all that I had to be Thankful for! I began to notice my mood getting better, my family getting happier and my home getting warmer.
All it took was a shift in my "filter" to change the way I see the world and the way the world sees me.
So today, I challenge you to choose what this day will represent for you...right now! If you choose change and Thanks, then take a look around you...pick out 11 things you are thankful for today. It truly makes no difference who you are, or what your current situation...if you make the choice to focus on the good, you will change the way you see your life and the world around you and that's how YOU will bring more of that "good stuff" into your life...
Tara Kennedy-Kline, Author
Stop Raising Einstein, Discover the Unique Brilliance in Your Child...and You!
Our family keeps a Christmas Journal. It was a gift from my mom in 1997 and I have written in it every year but one (2006, the year mom passed away). I regret not writing anything that year so badly because I don't remember much from that Holiday except for the sadness and loss I was feeling. I truly believe that there must have been some joyful, happy moments that occurred and had I journaled about them...my memories of that Holiday would probably be very different.
Anyway, my tradition is, before I write about the current year's events, I read over the prior year to see where I was and what I was focused on in my life at that time.
As I read back over 2010, in the "Things we want to remember" section...this is what I wrote:
"I want to remember how overplanning makes the Holidays too hectic. To always remember how much fun it is to have children who still believe in Santa Clause. How relaxing it is to stay at home on Christmas Day. How it's less important to get a bunch of stuff to open than to get 1 thing that means something to you, and that little traditions are more meaningful than big, new ideas."
As I finished reading my 4th realization of 2012 hit me:
Take time to look for something beautiful and joyful in each day...even in times of sadness, frustration or sorrow. And if I want to remember something (REALLY remember it.) I must Write it down and put it where I will see it every day...because the truth is, if I don't, I'll forget.
01-04-2012
In a conversation I had with a friend this weekend, we discussed a situation that involved a child and their dad which ended in a way that my friend considered "bad".
The child was bounced from parent to parent...home to home, none of which were "fit" to raise a child. Finally, the child wound up in a children’s home and had to be taken in by another family member. The child was legally adopted by that family member and the child's father came to live in the house as well...temporarily.
Eventually, the father was told to find his own place and because the family was so disrupted by the new arrangements, it was also necessary for the child to go with the father.
My friend felt a tremendous amount of guilt over the whole situation and felt they had "let the child down" by not following through with the original custody arrangements. "But you can't save the World...so why bother trying?" Was the statement that caught my attention.
"Did you change one child's view of the World?"
"Did you not show one child that no matter what life throws at you, there are people who care about you and are willing to turn their lives upside down to do what's best for you?"
"Did you not inspire one parent to set an unbelievable goal and hold him accountable to it?"
"Did you not save YOUR piece of the World?"
ABSOLUTELY!!!
Then I spoke my 8th Realization of 2012:
People have given up on the "Save the World" mentality because it’s just too overwhelming. To most people our world is too big and too broken for 1 person to fix. And although it's true, I, all alone cannot save the World...I can save my little piece of it! And by doing so, I can inspire others to save their piece too! So if I am going to "Save the World"...I have to start with my little piece of it.
01/09/2012
So, I'm on the phone with my dear friend Marlaine and we are talking about the struggles of parenting & motherhood...about our agreement that "no one parenting style is perfect"...and how parents need to give themselves and their kids a break every now and then.
While we chatted, I was doing what most moms do, wash the dishes, fold the laundry, water the flowers...well, not the Christmas cactus because it rarely needs water, and not the orchids because they must get misted, and not the ivy, because it's growing in a bowl of water...just the Calathia. The Calathia is the only one that needs water today...And then it HIT me!
My kids are just like those plants on my window sill! Yes, they are all plants that I brought into my home, but that doesn't mean that I can treat them all the same if I expect them to thrive and grow. If I gave everyone of them the exact same amount of water and sunlight and fertilizer, some of them may survive, but the rest of them would whither away and die. Each one is unique and beautiful and brings something wonderful into my home, but if they are all to grow to their full potential, I need to recognize their individual needs, requirements and boundaries and respect them accordingly.
But wait, it gets better!!!...
Let's say I go away for a while and a few of my plants don't get their needs met...some of those plants may begin to wilt and dull and stop thriving, but just like my kids, if when I come back, I nurture them gently and feed their needs, they will probably be very forgiving. And because I have made them strong by raising them well and giving them healthy roots, I will again have the gift of watching them bloom.
So my Mom Reality Bytes #10 is:
If I really want my children to blossom into strong, healthy, resilient human beings, I will have to release the belief that everything growing under my roof needs to be exactly the same and thrive by my expectations. Instead I have to take the time to understand them, feed them more of what they need as unique individuals and they will, in turn, bring me more joy and life than I could have ever imagined.
01-10-2012
Tara Kennedy-Kline (34)
