Tara Kennedy-Kline
This realization is going to be short and sweet...

Ok, that's a lie...but it COULD be!

So here's what happened. I hear these two women talking about a couple they know. They are trashing the woman because apparently the man wants to break up with her and she "isn't getting the hint"...but here's the deal; from what I heard, the guy is brilliant at being a complete jerk to her, but he can't seem to just man up and end it!

Inevitably what he is creating is making both of their lives miserable because he expects another person to act on his clues instead of just stating his truth.

It reminded me of the chapter in Stop Raising Einstein where we discuss stating intentions. In that chapter I tell a story of our family as we prepared to leave for an outing. I was flustered and my kids were making me crazy, so when they asked if they could go play, I immediately told them YES! GO!
But 30 minutes later, when I was ready to leave, they were nowhere to be found.

By the time I did find them, I was angry and they were upset because I never said they couldn't "go play" at the neighbor's...I just told them to go play!

If I had been honest with them and told them what I wanted up front; such as: "I need you to leave me alone for 20 minutes...so yes, go play and stay in the front yard." we would have been on the same page and there would be no need for an argument.

"But the problem is that most of us assume people already know what we want. We assume they know what we're thinking...and when they don't, we get frustrated. When you look at it this way, it seems pretty unreasonable of us to assume others can read our minds."

And isn't that exactly what Mr. Cool was doing to his girlfriend? Expecting her to read in to his actions and "get" what he wanted?

So he talks smack on her, gets angry with her, and basically lives his life being pissed off because he doesn't have the courage to tell her what he wants. He allows himself to dig deeper into his hole of muck and take everyone with whom he comes in contact down with him through his complaining and drama...when all he needs to do to free himself is state his truth.

So #11 on my Mom Reality Bytes list is:
"When it comes to expectations...put up, or shut up! If I am not willing to tell people exactly what I want, what I need or what I expect...I give up my right to complain when things do not go as I intended."
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