Our family keeps a Christmas Journal. It was a gift from my mom in 1997 and I have written in it every year but one (2006, the year mom passed away). I regret not writing anything that year so badly because I don't remember much from that Holiday except for the sadness and loss I was feeling. I truly believe that there must have been some joyful, happy moments that occurred and had I journaled about them...my memories of that Holiday would probably be very different.
Anyway, my tradition is, before I write about the current year's events, I read over the prior year to see where I was and what I was focused on in my life at that time.
As I read back over 2010, in the "Things we want to remember" section...this is what I wrote:
"I want to remember how overplanning makes the Holidays too hectic. To always remember how much fun it is to have children who still believe in Santa Clause. How relaxing it is to stay at home on Christmas Day. How it's less important to get a bunch of stuff to open than to get 1 thing that means something to you, and that little traditions are more meaningful than big, new ideas."
As I finished reading my 4th realization of 2012 hit me:
Take time to look for something beautiful and joyful in each day...even in times of sadness, frustration or sorrow. And if I want to remember something (REALLY remember it.) I must Write it down and put it where I will see it every day...because the truth is, if I don't, I'll forget.
01-04-2012
Last evening, while my husband and I were talking about people we know and what we noticed about their parenting styles (c'mon...you know you do it too) I realized something...
Parenting is a skill, much like an art or a language, that must be learned and taught throughout life and through the generations.
Much like cooking or playing an instrument or speaking a second language...some of us are born with mentors who are proficient (or even somewhat gifted) in that skill and teach and tutor us through our life. If,however, we are not born to a mentor but still want to learn, it becomes completely necessary for us to seek out a person to teach us.
The first example that came into my head was: If I wanted to speak French, I could not look to my parents to teach me because they don't speak French! I would have to find a class or a tutor to teach me. And even then, if I wanted to become great (or fluent)I would need to continue to take classes and surround myself with others who spoke French fluently so I could model them.
Parenting should be treated with that same level of purpose and desire for knowledge and learning to become great.
If every parent embraced the reality that not everyone is born with the inherant ability to be a great parent, nor is everyone born with great parents to guide them...then perhaps we could release the stigma of "parenting classes" and allow them to be as common as learning to play the piano or cook like a master chef...Wow! What if that happened?
So, My third realization of 2012 is: I have a lot to learn as a parent, many of my friends could use some classes in parenting, and I want to raise my children to be great parents. I expect my children to enroll in some form of higher education at some point in their lives just as their father and I did...I realize there is no school to pursue a MGP ("Masters in Great Parenting") So if I am going to start the movement to change the impression of Parenting classes, I am going to have to be the first to sign up and be loud and proud about what I learn and practice, practice, practice!
1-3-12
Today, I noticed that when someone comes to me with news of one of my children's errors, mistakes, missteps, failures or poor choices, I would defensively react AT the person delivering the message. I would externalize my embarrassment and vent out of guilt and shame...as if learning of their mistake made it about ME and failing as a parent, instead of leaving it what it is; a child's mistake and an opportunity to learn and grow.
My Mom Reality Bytes #2 is:
"When I learn of my children's accidents, mistakes, or poor choices, I must first focus on thanking the person who delivered the message. I must appreciate them for bringing it to my attention thereby giving me the opportunity to then focus on how I can help my children. I must look at this information not as an attack of my parenting, but a chance to help my children realize where they may have gone wrong and how we can all learn and grow from our mistakes.
12-02-2012
Mom Reality Bytes #1:
Today as I witnessed a dear friend discipline their child, I noticed that they reached a point where their very valid point was replaced by a passionate desire to merely elicit a desired reaction from the child.
At that moment, the child was no longer hearing or engaged with the parent and the opportunity for teaching/learning was lost.
My first realization of the new year is this:
"When I use discipline to get the reaction I want out of my child, I fail my child. When I am focused on seeking to understand my child and the lesson I can teach through discipline, both my child and I will grow and achieve success."
01-01-2012
Today is 11/11/11. Some people see it as a day of saddness...some see it as a curse. Others see Veteran's Day and a very few see it as a new beginning...a day of renewal and light.
I choose to see two of the four there: Veteran's Day and Renewal. Why? Because both of those choices force me to be thankful and to look for the positive in the day.
I found a long time ago, that much like the game punchbuggy (where you look for the Beetles on the road and punch the person next to you when you see one) Even if we think something is rare or no longer exists (as in my beliefs about the number of Volkwagon Beetles on the road today) when we start to focus on that thing, we begin to notice more and more of it popping up or into our field of vision.
When I applied that same principle to focusing on the things I am thankful for, or the "good stuff" in my life, I began to experience alot more GOOD STUFF! I stopped wallowing in what was wrong with my life and sang the praises of and gave thanks for all that I had to be Thankful for! I began to notice my mood getting better, my family getting happier and my home getting warmer.
All it took was a shift in my "filter" to change the way I see the world and the way the world sees me.
So today, I challenge you to choose what this day will represent for you...right now! If you choose change and Thanks, then take a look around you...pick out 11 things you are thankful for today. It truly makes no difference who you are, or what your current situation...if you make the choice to focus on the good, you will change the way you see your life and the world around you and that's how YOU will bring more of that "good stuff" into your life...
Tara Kennedy-Kline, Author
Stop Raising Einstein, Discover the Unique Brilliance in Your Child...and You!
Tara Kennedy-Kline
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