Tara Kennedy-Kline
As I sat at the table during my son's IEP team meeting...I realized something.
(Shocking, I know!)
Hearing my son constantly referred to as "Special Needs" really just kind of irritates me!

They kept saying things like "Well I know that behavior is a result of his "special needs." and "That teacher is better suited to him because she is trained in working with kids with "special needs" and "We understand that tests and homework may have to be handled differently because he has "special needs"...

But all I kept hearing in my head was..."Don't we ALL have "special needs"?"

I know I do! And I know my husband does. And I know my best friend does, and her husband does, and the neighbor’s kids do...and my oldest son does...But not in an IEP way or autism support way or even a medicate able way. Just in our own "unique" way.

For example: One of my "special needs" is; I have to be asked if I have the time in my schedule before I will be willing to do a "favor" for someone.

I also have a "special need" to be told when people are leaving or retiring for the night...if you leave me without telling me, I will flip out. (So what! It's MY special need!)

My husband's "special need" is he wants us to have chores done by the time he gets home and/or without him having to ask. He also has a "special need" that we talk to him before loaning out anything (even if it's someone else's to loan out...like MY car or Max's airsoft equipment) He "needs" to be in control of our family’s belongings and whereabouts.

These things may seem trivial and even a bit odd...but they are the "special needs" which are unique to us. And when these “special needs” are met, it just makes our lives easier and happier. It's about knowing and understanding the people around us in order to keep peace and harmony more than it is about diagnosing and labeling a person based on the number or severity of the needs they have.

Personally, I think ALL kids should be treated as though they have "special needs"! All kids should go through an "evaluation" process with their teachers to find out what will help them to have a happier, easier more successful experience in school (and at home too for that matter)! What the heck? Why not? Isn't it our goal to raise happy, successful children?

So if all it will take is a bit of communicating, a bit of listening, a bit of understanding and then a bit of specializing or customizing to make every child a happy, successful student and every family a happy, healthy, successful team...then I say label every one of us "Special Needs" or just scrap that term completely and just call us all “Unique”!!!
Tara Kennedy-Kline
I love this concept as it ties directly to "Self forgiveness" which is paramount in teaching self love/respect. This is exactly why I include "do overs' in my journaling for families.

One of the questions we ask of each other is "What did I experience or create today that I would do over if I could?" and Then we ask: "What could I do differently next time to be happy about it?" from these questions, we open the door to talk about "what did I learn from it?"

Having these types of conversations with our kids not only shows them that "mistakes happen", but by going first as the adult, we let them see that mom and dad (and their teachers and their coaches) make mistakes too. It's important to model for children that we do not need to beat ourselves up over those mistakes...instead, we should look at them as an opportunity to learn, grow, and plan for the "do overs", even if they are only in our head.

The concept of visualizing corrective actions teaches our children to forgive, prepare and problem solve which are invaluable life skills to carry them through and over the obstacles life will throw in their path as teens and adults.
Tara Kennedy-Kline
"Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population." ~ Albert Einstein

This week we will focus on "Respectful Communication"...listen without interruption, judgement, defense or critique. When engaging in conversation, make it a rule in your home that each person who is NOT talking, will count to three in their head after the speaker has said their last word. Only then will it be a good time for the next person to take "the talking stick" and begin speaking.

Journal prompt Day #1:
What was the best thing about my day?


Ask your child(ren) to answer the same question and REALLY LISTEN TO THEIR ANSWERS...you may be amazed at what they consider to be "best".

To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with. ~ Mark Twain
Tara Kennedy-Kline
Every child has an opinion and should be allowed to express it without fear of rejection or punishment ~ TKK

Ask yourself "What messages am I sending my child about communicating with me?"

For years, if my husband and I were having a conversation in our home, or just bantering back and forth, if either of our kids tried to interject or ask us a question, we wouldn't let them talk. We would usually stop them and say "This is an adult conversation!"

Eventually, my children began to yell and cry and carry on and become dramatic and my husband and I would get angry. Then they started to make up stories or lies to "tattle" on their friends...and my husband and I would scold them.

Then, one day, as my youngest son threw a fit in his room...I got quiet, got down on his level and just listened to him. At first he stopped yelling and asked "What are you doing!?"

"I'm just listening to you." I replied.

"Why are you listening to me?" he yelled

"Why wouldn't I listen to you Alex?"

..."Because no one ever listens to me..."


My heart was broken, but not because I was offended or hurt, but because I realized that I was raising a child who believed he was not worth listening to.
In a moment I understood why my kids were yelling and dramatic and needy and tattling and lying. Because they needed to use any or all of those things if they were going to be heard.

That day, I realized that if I was going to change the craziness that I had created in my home...I would have to start listening to my kids.

Today's Journaling: "What was my greatest accomplishment today?

"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family." ~! Matthew 5:19
Jackie VanCampen
I’m standing here in my kitchen reading a message I received from a friend about how my book impacted her life. She said she had no idea how much I had gone through because I was always so full of light… As I thought about what she said, I began to think of the struggles and circumstances in my life and how I had decided to step out of being a victim to be being in charge of my happiness…

We often say that certain situations make us a better a better person, and, although I agree with this statement, I feel that it’s not so much our circumstances that make us a better person; rather, it’s the choice we make to win over our circumstances that makes us a better person. I know many people who use their struggles to keep themselves victims and disempowered.

When my daughter chose to move with her dad to Brazil, what came to me was that this was the time for her to be his teacher; for her to show him another way of being; for him to connect with something deeper within himself… I knew that she had been the main reason why I chose to go on a journey of healing and transformation. I wanted to give her a better life. I wanted to show her what self-love felt like. I wanted to show her what a good relationship looked like. Then tonight, as I thought of her mission to be her father’s teacher, it hit me that perhaps her mission those many years back, when I decided to go on my healing journey, was to be my teacher. What if she actually was the catalyst for me to know what self-love felt like? What if she came to show me what a good relationship looks like?

What if she truly were that powerful? What if our children were that powerful? Often times as parents we think we are the ones teaching, when in reality, we are the ones being taught. Now that’s an interesting concept!

As her father now gets to be blessed with having her full-time as his teacher, it’s my hope that he will take full advantage of the learning opportunity and begin his own journey of healing and transformation.

What would it take to acknowledge our children for the gift they bring to our lives; for the lessons and the experiences we get to have with them, even the ones we deem painful and impossible to change? How grand it is to intertwine the relationship we have as parents and children! How can we gift that to our communities and the world?

I will end with an excerpt from my book – Letters to My Daughter: A Mother’s Journey of Healing and Transformation

” Marla, your presence in my life has always been a healing presence, but this journey of watching you make your choice to go to Brazil has taken my own healing to all new places.

As I’ve watched and supported you in making your own choices and listening to your heart, I have been able to look back and further heal my own story.

You and I are being led along a magical journey, and we get to choose how we see, feel, and behave while on this new adventure.

You can fly. Strengthen those wings, Baby. Learn how to let the wind carry you. Learn to trust it. Your purpose is bigger than you can imagine. This is just the beginning.”


www.wiseheartwithin.com
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